March Madness
Did you think this post was going to be about basketball? Well, sorry to say it's nothing of the sort. In fact, life is just madness, hence the title. The rest of this post is mostly ramblings as a sort of healing, "get it off my chest" sort of moment in time unfolds. Read if you like. Know that it may make no sense to you.
Aaron and I have been having some difficult conversations about what we're going to be doing with the future. What do we want our life to look like in 10 years? What steps do we need to start working towards now to make it look like that.
Nothing is decided. Nothing is certain. Our future isn't tangible...
and that... is hard!
We haven't truly been trying to get pregnant again, but I can honestly say there's been a few times I thought we would, and my heart has leapt with joy and excitement, only to be fed with disappointment. This is something that I have a hard time with. Everyone has an opinion on when we should and shouldn't get pregnant again, and ultimately I know that God's timing is perfect... though I admittedly sometimes hate that. Truly I do.
It's interesting to me that the hardest season of waiting we have had since before Amity was born has happened within the last few weeks of Lent (a season all about waiting). And I don't just mean waiting on another child, but really for some answers, guidance, and lots of other things to just all in place. For our Christian brothers and sisters near and far, we are all preparing in less than two weeks to remember, reflect, and honor the sacrifice that God placed on our behalf, but just as importantly we are waiting for a divine promise to be fulfilled. This may seem of no connection at all or in the least a very far fetched connection for some to make but I am finding some peace in knowing that this hard time, these hard things, the anticipation of our future, will likely unfold with possible new job opportunities, some financial freedom, and comfort that we are taken care of by a heavenly father, in just two more weeks. Easter.
Easter. It's my dear friend Tammi's favorite holiday of the entire year. When we first met, she made that quite clear and it has been so meaningful to talk with her about why that is as our friendship has grown. It's come to be one of mine too.
See, just before Easter each year I am reminded of a little heavenly baby we lost, now nearly 7 years ago. For my friend Tammi, her loss of her heavenly twins happened just last year. Our miscarriages, though years apart, happened within the same week... just a matter of time before a celebration of freedom and life made new.
I no longer ask why, but just calmly know that March is both the happiest month for me and the hardest. Amity was born March 3... bringing blessing to such a dark time for me in terms of motherhood for a long time. Our other baby was miscarried on March 25, 2006 and it's crazy to me that the sting and hurt of that day is still just as real nearly 7 years later.
Sigh.
One thing that has been a blessing in all this waiting lately is to see how strong our little girl is. This has really been a sign of promise that Jesus is taking care of me. He shows me daily how much he loves me in her spirit, joy, love, excitement, etc. make all of my worry and uncertainty a little more bearable.
This month she has blossomed so much. The one year mark must've kicked her development into high gear!
She is now walking (not far, but at least 3-4 steps all by herself). She talks up a storm and has started to say things that seemingly make sense. She no longer eats ANY baby food. She's a big girl and wants to be treated as such. The first tooth is almost pushed through.
I'm so thankful for her. Every. Single. Day.
That is why I titled this post March Madness. I hope to bring about some news of some things finding a correct place but in the mean time, please pray over our little family. Pray for patience, peace, wisdom, and joy to overflow abundantly and help us to remember that we are loved. We are loved enough to die for.
Aaron and I have been having some difficult conversations about what we're going to be doing with the future. What do we want our life to look like in 10 years? What steps do we need to start working towards now to make it look like that.
Nothing is decided. Nothing is certain. Our future isn't tangible...
and that... is hard!
We haven't truly been trying to get pregnant again, but I can honestly say there's been a few times I thought we would, and my heart has leapt with joy and excitement, only to be fed with disappointment. This is something that I have a hard time with. Everyone has an opinion on when we should and shouldn't get pregnant again, and ultimately I know that God's timing is perfect... though I admittedly sometimes hate that. Truly I do.
It's interesting to me that the hardest season of waiting we have had since before Amity was born has happened within the last few weeks of Lent (a season all about waiting). And I don't just mean waiting on another child, but really for some answers, guidance, and lots of other things to just all in place. For our Christian brothers and sisters near and far, we are all preparing in less than two weeks to remember, reflect, and honor the sacrifice that God placed on our behalf, but just as importantly we are waiting for a divine promise to be fulfilled. This may seem of no connection at all or in the least a very far fetched connection for some to make but I am finding some peace in knowing that this hard time, these hard things, the anticipation of our future, will likely unfold with possible new job opportunities, some financial freedom, and comfort that we are taken care of by a heavenly father, in just two more weeks. Easter.
Easter. It's my dear friend Tammi's favorite holiday of the entire year. When we first met, she made that quite clear and it has been so meaningful to talk with her about why that is as our friendship has grown. It's come to be one of mine too.
See, just before Easter each year I am reminded of a little heavenly baby we lost, now nearly 7 years ago. For my friend Tammi, her loss of her heavenly twins happened just last year. Our miscarriages, though years apart, happened within the same week... just a matter of time before a celebration of freedom and life made new.
I no longer ask why, but just calmly know that March is both the happiest month for me and the hardest. Amity was born March 3... bringing blessing to such a dark time for me in terms of motherhood for a long time. Our other baby was miscarried on March 25, 2006 and it's crazy to me that the sting and hurt of that day is still just as real nearly 7 years later.
Sigh.
One thing that has been a blessing in all this waiting lately is to see how strong our little girl is. This has really been a sign of promise that Jesus is taking care of me. He shows me daily how much he loves me in her spirit, joy, love, excitement, etc. make all of my worry and uncertainty a little more bearable.
This month she has blossomed so much. The one year mark must've kicked her development into high gear!
She is now walking (not far, but at least 3-4 steps all by herself). She talks up a storm and has started to say things that seemingly make sense. She no longer eats ANY baby food. She's a big girl and wants to be treated as such. The first tooth is almost pushed through.
I'm so thankful for her. Every. Single. Day.
That is why I titled this post March Madness. I hope to bring about some news of some things finding a correct place but in the mean time, please pray over our little family. Pray for patience, peace, wisdom, and joy to overflow abundantly and help us to remember that we are loved. We are loved enough to die for.
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