The Legality of Shooting Woodpeckers and Stealing Corndogs
Interesting things today. We had quite a night with Amity - the pediatrician is wanting her to put on more weight so we spent last night being up for an hour feeding her, and then asleep for an hour, and then repeating ad infinitum.
So, this morning, when an amorous woodpecker decided to broadcast his intentions to the neighborhood by jackhammering on the house right outside of the bedroom, I started mentally casting about for different mechanisms by which I might end his noisome existence. It sounded something like this:
Thankfully, he flew off to bother someone else before I was able to decide conclusively that I was willing to accept whatever legal consequences might attend a woodpecker slaughter.
Also, this afternoon, we decided to run to Wal-mart for some various necessities. The Wal-mart on 23rd Avenue is closer to us and attracts a more entertaining clientele in our experience. During a notable previous visit, we witnessed a mother sauntering through the parking lot yelling threats at her gaggle of offspring while nonchalantly breastfeeding her most recent spawn in broad daylight.
It seemed like this trip would be uneventful, but on the way out we noticed a conflict between a cashier and a rather confused customer. The cashier was saying things like "You can't just eat a corndog and not pay for it". The responses that the customer made to these allegations were inaudible and so must be left to the imagination, but it is safe to assume that they were having a reasoned argument about the finer details of corndog burglary ethics. This small snippet of conversation raised a few questions for Kim and I: Was it a frozen corndog? Did it get heated up? Do frozen corndogs still taste ok? How did the cashier know about the stolen corndog? Was the lady eating said frozen corndog when she went to check out? What is the impact of stolen corndogs on Wal-mart's bottom line, and is this a frequent occurence?
These questions will almost certainly remain unanswered, considering that Kim, Amity and I had places to be, and even if we had stayed there is no guarantee that our curiosity would have been satisfied. But it reminds us that Wal-mart isn't just for the low prices - every trip is an adventure unto itself.
So, this morning, when an amorous woodpecker decided to broadcast his intentions to the neighborhood by jackhammering on the house right outside of the bedroom, I started mentally casting about for different mechanisms by which I might end his noisome existence. It sounded something like this:
Thankfully, he flew off to bother someone else before I was able to decide conclusively that I was willing to accept whatever legal consequences might attend a woodpecker slaughter.
Also, this afternoon, we decided to run to Wal-mart for some various necessities. The Wal-mart on 23rd Avenue is closer to us and attracts a more entertaining clientele in our experience. During a notable previous visit, we witnessed a mother sauntering through the parking lot yelling threats at her gaggle of offspring while nonchalantly breastfeeding her most recent spawn in broad daylight.
It seemed like this trip would be uneventful, but on the way out we noticed a conflict between a cashier and a rather confused customer. The cashier was saying things like "You can't just eat a corndog and not pay for it". The responses that the customer made to these allegations were inaudible and so must be left to the imagination, but it is safe to assume that they were having a reasoned argument about the finer details of corndog burglary ethics. This small snippet of conversation raised a few questions for Kim and I: Was it a frozen corndog? Did it get heated up? Do frozen corndogs still taste ok? How did the cashier know about the stolen corndog? Was the lady eating said frozen corndog when she went to check out? What is the impact of stolen corndogs on Wal-mart's bottom line, and is this a frequent occurence?
These questions will almost certainly remain unanswered, considering that Kim, Amity and I had places to be, and even if we had stayed there is no guarantee that our curiosity would have been satisfied. But it reminds us that Wal-mart isn't just for the low prices - every trip is an adventure unto itself.
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